perfektiona (perfektiona) wrote in feedyourmind,


Hi! Please read and tell me what you think?

I had an eating disorder until about two years ago. I am happy to say that I've been eating very healthy and without much guilt, but the perfectionism is still there. One of my biggest issues right now is being very jealous.

My fiance honors his honesty, but in the beginning of our relationship it became a bit obsessive. At the same time I was just recovering and needed a lot of approval. If I asked him something about appearances he would be brutally honest. Most of the time he would tell me I looked amazing, which he really does think, but if I would go further and make him objectivally compare me to someone, he would answer it was too difficult. Differant strengths that you just can't compare. Sounds pretty logic, right? Until you ask about his ex. Then you realize you really want a better answer than that. They had just split up and he even called me by her name twice... The worst thing was when her face accidently popped into his mind while we were... you know... and he had to tell me that in that precise position she looked more exotic and better than me. That kills me. This was a year ago, and we both know that we were both sick in a way. He with his honesty-obsession, and me with my wanting-the-ultimate-truth-obsession. He will not stand for these things anymore, and tells me that I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and that this other girl has nothing against me. What I wonder is... can you really heal those scars? The things he said are said, no matter if he was clouded by an obsession.

He is the most amazing man in the world. He would sacrifice anything for me, and I know this. He loves me.

But this kills me.

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