twisted_kitty91 (twisted_kitty91) wrote in feedyourmind,

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need some help

might be a tad triggering or upsetting so I will put this under a cut

I have suffered from anorexia, bulimia, obsessive excercizing, and self injury for the past 4 years, been manically depressed on and off for the past 5. I have been through most forms the EDs can take, B/P, restriction etc. I've been clean from self injury about 8 months, reached my my lowest weight 2 years ago and have been struggling to keep myself at a healthy weight since then. I've had some minor relapses of anorexia but nothing unmanageable, they tend to strike when I am overly stressed or otherwise upset.

I just moved to St. John's Newfoundland for University with my boyfriend, I came from Ontario so it's a pretty big difference. I'm getting a little depressed and I admit that one of my room mates may have triggered me, but I have been unable to eat properly for the past few days, my first bit of food today (which my boyfriend made me eat when he saw my hands shaking) was at 5:30pm and I'v been up since 6 am.

I can feel that I'm relapsing, I can't do anything about it, I've been trying harder to eat today but I felt like I would be sick to my stomach if I even put a peice of fruit into my mouth. I don't want to relapse, I need to stay healthy because I want to have kids one day, I can't afford to stop menstruating again for any amount of time. I don't think my body can take it if I have a major relapse, I'm so cold and I feel my heart faltering when I excersize for anything more than 20 minutes. It's not even been 5 full days since I started having trouble eating and I can see my ribs again. I have forced down at least one decent sized balanced meal every day, how is this happening so quickly?

I don't know who else to talk to, my friends are more than 2000Km away and my boyfriend isn't good at talking about this (he doesn't understand that it's not a choice, he doesn't see how hard I've tried to get and stay better). 

Any help at all would be much appreciated, I have gone this far without being formally diagnosed but I think I may need to go to someone professional, my school has a counselling office that's free and open to all students who need it, appointment or no. So I can go there if I need to...

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