Hi! Please read and tell me what you think?

I had an eating disorder until about two years ago. I am happy to say that I've been eating very healthy and without much guilt, but the perfectionism is still there. One of my biggest issues right now is being very jealous.

My fiance honors his honesty, but in the beginning of our relationship it became a bit obsessive. At the same time I was just recovering and needed a lot of approval. If I asked him something about appearances he would be brutally honest. Most of the time he would tell me I looked amazing, which he really does think, but if I would go further and make him objectivally compare me to someone, he would answer it was too difficult. Differant strengths that you just can't compare. Sounds pretty logic, right? Until you ask about his ex. Then you realize you really want a better answer than that. They had just split up and he even called me by her name twice... The worst thing was when her face accidently popped into his mind while we were... you know... and he had to tell me that in that precise position she looked more exotic and better than me. That kills me. This was a year ago, and we both know that we were both sick in a way. He with his honesty-obsession, and me with my wanting-the-ultimate-truth-obsession. He will not stand for these things anymore, and tells me that I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and that this other girl has nothing against me. What I wonder is... can you really heal those scars? The things he said are said, no matter if he was clouded by an obsession.

He is the most amazing man in the world. He would sacrifice anything for me, and I know this. He loves me.

But this kills me.


Weight loss reviews

I just stumbled across this review site. The Lipo 6 reviews I read on this page is actually really good, better than the ones I use to read. I like reading reviews about weight loss products because I have struggled with weight problems for years and there is actually some very good tips in reviews.

Here's the site, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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dancing on the water

More friends, more support at new community, luv_is_beauty

 Hey friends!

Just wanted to tell you about luv_is_beauty ,a new support community for those with/who have recovered from eating disorders! The more friends and support the better, right?! Since luv_is_beauty is so brand spankin' new, its focus is extremely flexible and open to input! Help shape a support community that fits your unique needs!! So come, check out luv_is_beauty 's profile and journal and connect with people who understand you!:)

See you there!

PS. I have nothing but respect for feedyourmind and do not judge anyone based on their opinions on eating or weight-loss. If you read luv_is_beauty 's profile and find that it is not for you, I completely understand. I am not here to offend, or push ideas on anyone; I am simply suggesting you check out a new community to add to your supports on lj! 

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A Local Zine

If you or anyone you know has suffered from an eating disorder, would you write a short bit about your experiences for a local project? We're working on a local zine to promote eating disorder awareness and truth behind it.

Please e-mail, and I'll send you a confidentiality agreement (we will not disclose ANY of your personal information). Here are some questions you can consider when writing about your experiences:

1. How old were you when you first realized you had an eating disorder?

2. How old do you think you were when it first started?

3. Do you think that the modeling/advertising/movie industry had any influence on your attitudes towards food or your body?

4. How did you feel about dieting? How do you feel about diets now?

5. Have you ever sought help for your eating disorder? If so, in what form?

6. Do you idolize any celebrities now? Did you idolize any before or during your eating disorder?

7. Do you know anyone else who has had an eating disorder?

8. Do you have any personal stories about experiences related to your eating disorder that you'd be willing to share?

9. Do you think your eating disorder involved control?

I know this is a very sensitive issue, so I really appreciate your help. <3 ~Kristi

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Reocvery Penpals!

Looking for penpals. I think this would be a positive source of support for those who struggle but really want to recover! I would like people who will write a good bit, not just once a month, recovery is a daily struggle!

Info: 22/F/USA, Young Professional, Liberal,
ED History: Current-Bulimic, ED-NOS, afraid when the bulimia slips I'll use other behaviors
Recovery: Seeked out help for recovery 1 month ago, psychiatrist and ED Specialist
Medications: Lamictal
Other diagnosis: Borderline, PPD
Who knows about my disorder: My treatment team, 1 friend, family and boyfriend do not know

If there is anyone who is trying to recover out there around my age with Bulimic/Ed-Nos struggles and would like to be my penpal comment!

can't stand it

getting close to saying eff it all
food is making me sick

want Gaga legs

gym not working
been going for months
what do I have to do?
go vegan?

I need a drink
and it's not even 3pm

Thank You!

I just wanted to give everyone a big thank you for the great response on the documentary series that I'm working on! It's very inspiring! I know the issues we're touching on are very sensitive and private and I really appreciate everyone who has stepped up and contacted me. We're still working on it so feel free to e-mail me if you want more information!


the thoughts...

Well, I'm up to a healthy weight now.
I work out, but not obsessively -3 or 4 times a week for about an hour at the gym (my saving grace).
I don't eat junk (except all that ice cream on my birthday).

But I look in the mirror...
...and still cannot be satisfied.

I am still constantly comparing myself to thinner girls.
Always, always comparing.
And usually to younger girls who haven't even hit that stage where they pack on that extra padding.

Why do I keep doing this???
I know better.
I'm too old now to be doing this.

And yet...
...I hate myself for every last calorie.

Still constantly thinking about food.
When my next meal will be.
How fattening it might be.
Instead of how tasty and good for me it might me.

Does this ever go away?
It didn't go away when I was starving and a stick.
Where is the hope?

May Interest You

Hi everyone,

I'm working on a new documentary series that will focus on women between the ages of 18 and 28 struggling with difficult issues like eating disorders, self harm, and intimacy issues.  Let me know if you're interested or if you have any questions!  Feel free to message me or e-mail me directly at  I'm kinda new to LJ so please be patient with me!


- Kelly