keikoshine (keikoshine) wrote in feedyourmind,
keikoshine
keikoshine
feedyourmind

the thoughts...

Well, I'm up to a healthy weight now.
I work out, but not obsessively -3 or 4 times a week for about an hour at the gym (my saving grace).
I don't eat junk (except all that ice cream on my birthday).

But I look in the mirror...
...and still cannot be satisfied.

I am still constantly comparing myself to thinner girls.
Always, always comparing.
And usually to younger girls who haven't even hit that stage where they pack on that extra padding.

Why?!
Why do I keep doing this???
I know better.
I'm too old now to be doing this.

And yet...
...I hate myself for every last calorie.

Still constantly thinking about food.
When my next meal will be.
How fattening it might be.
Instead of how tasty and good for me it might me.

Does this ever go away?
It didn't go away when I was starving and a stick.
Where is the hope?
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